The Beserker Blóthar: Lead Howler
Beefcake the Mighty: Bass Guitar, Vocals
Pustulus Maximus: Lead Guitar, Vocals
BälSäc the Jaws ‘o Death: Rhythm Guitar, Vocals
JiZMak da Gusha: Drums
Bonesnapper: Bodyguard, Crappy Vocals
Sawborg Destructo: Annoying Nemesis, Annoying Vocals
Eons ago, there existed an elite group of chaos warriors who ravaged the galaxy with a boundless hatred of all things alive. They were called the Scumdogs of the Universe, and they grew in might and fury, the greatest weapon in the arsenal of their cosmic Master.
But they became too powerful, and too defiant, and for their cosmic crimes were banished to the most insignificant planet in the universe…the seething mudball known as Earth.
Millions of years passed, and they slumbered, until the pollution of your world thawed these creatures from their ageless coma…and now they stride the Earth, living gods, dedicated to one goal, the destruction of the human race, and the eradication of existence itself! Wait- that’s two goals!
Armed with swords and electric guitars, their 30 year campaign has taken them to battlefields and concert halls in every corner of the globe and has exacted a heavy toll. Yet, still their quest continues, laying siege upon the earthlings, crushing bodies and warping souls, in an unending quest to satiate their monstrous battle lust.
Hark to the hideous majesty of your MASTERS, rulers of Earth, the MIGHTY GWAR!!!
At the beginning of all things, there was the Master, a hideous planet-sized creature floating in an endless void. And it was a boring void, so he created everything ever just to amuse himself. And as life spread through this void, The Master found the best way to amuse himself with his new toys was to make them fight each other, so he created WAR. And he saw that it was good, so he created The Scumdogs of the Universe as the ultimate executors of his favorite activity.
For thousands of eons the Scumdogs heaped endless atrocities upon a deserving galaxy. Planet after planet, race after race blazed to ruin on their flaming altar of sacrifice. Their enemies were many, from the peaceful folk of Flab-Quarv VII, to the sinister legions of robotic holy-warrior Cardinal Sin, and the wars they waged were never-ending. Led by The Master’s most loyal servant, the cyborg Techno-Destructo, the Scumdogs had become the most powerful force in the universe. So great that they dared to rise up in rebellion against their creator and fulfill their dream of destroying everything. The ensuing battle was beyond epic, as The Master deployed his newest and most powerful weapon, The Death Pod, and turned it against GWAR. Ultimately defeated, the Scumdogs were loaded into the dreaded Butt-Cannon and shot to the most insignificant, isolated mud ball of a planet in the entire galaxy—the planet Earth!
There they busily set about fucking everything up on their new home. The first thing the alien refugees did was have sex with the local animal population, thereby creating the human race. These loathsome creatures spread across the surface of the planet faster than the herpes on Lohan’s twat! The Scumdogs delighted in the destruction of the human’s civilizations—like the time Beefcake sank Atlantis by using it as his personal vomitorium, or Flattus defoliated the Fertile Crescent with his chronic flatulence! But soon all of this barbarous activity had attracted the attention of The Master, who sent Techno-Destructo to check on his wayward creation. Enraged that GWAR had created humans (the most annoying of races), The Master froze them in a great tomb in the barren waste of Antarctica, to sleep in its icy vastness until such times as he might need their awesome power and call them back into his horrific service!
Millions of years passed, but GWAR still imposed their will on humanity…reaching into their dreams and inspiring them to heap atrocities upon each other and pollute and ravage their own world with disease and war. And it was the pollution of heavy metal that ultimately led to GWAR’s release! Because of the brief dominance of hair-metal bands in the late 80’s, and their overuse of hair spray, a huge hole was burned into the ozone above the GWAR temple, and the Scumdogs began to thaw. At that precise moment, music mogul and notorious underworld boss Sleazy P. Martini was on the run from the I.R.S., shot down over Antarctica and crashing into the frozen tundra in front of the GWAR Temple! Stumbling inside, he discovered the ageless warriors stirring within their tombs. Seizing the moment and in short order Sleazy quickly got them addicted to crack (the only thing that saved his life), brought them back to the U.S.A., gave them electric guitars, and exposed the world to the sickest band in metal history—GWAR !
Since GWAR’s re-birth on planet Earth, events have come at a tumultuous pace. GWAR has witnessed, inspired, and is indeed directly responsible for many of the most destructive events in Earth’s recent past. It is no coincidence that since the second coming of GWAR, this world has slipped ever closer to the apocalypse it so woefully deserves. Indeed, if GWAR hadn’t had to expend so much energy battling their cosmic foes, they would have surely eaten the entire human race by now! GWAR has withstood the onslaughts of Techno-Destructo, and his brother, Bozo-Destructo, after they were done fighting each other! GWAR braved the wrath of Granbo and the Morality Squad, who attempted to confiscate Oderus’s penis. GWAR fought the hideous SkulHedFace in an attempt to summon the World-Maggot and ride it back to outer space. Unfortunately it left them behind, to hope in vain that maybe there are two World Maggots! GWAR even repelled an assault by the Master himself who attempted to return them to his cosmic servitude.
Most recently GWAR was dealt a series of catastrophic blows when first Flattus Maximus returned to the stars, transforming himself into a supernova, and then the ignominious Oderus Urungus was snatched away to the very End of Time where his immortality was stolen from him. Oderus was slain by a villain of his own creation, the vainglorious Mr Perfect, leaving his fellow Scumdogs leaderless and alone. In their darkest hour, hope arrived in the form of two new Scumdogs, the guitar wielding Pustulus Maximus and the berserk war priest, Blothar.
And so GWAR continues to ravage the planet, conducting their great “death-rallies”, luring the human hordes in with the music of metal, and then slaughtering them en masse. CD’s, DVD’s, and burnt-out cities continue to be produced in infinite procession, tracking the continuing progression
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February 2015 (Earth Time)
30 years have passed since GWAR was awoken from the prison of their Antarctic slumber in 1985. In those 3 decades, they have shaped the music and culture of mankind using broadswords and guitars, carving the human race to more closely resemble their demented visage and psyche. The Scumdogs will celebrate their 30th anniversary (or as the Romans would call it, their XXX anniversary) by releasing a box set showcasing the musical and artistic genius of this misfit group of extraterrestrial mutants that world has come to love almost as much as they fear.
GWAR is immortal and shows no signs of slowing it’s merciless onslaught of the planet Earth. They have reunited with an unstoppable force from their past in the form of the new singer, Blothar, a major contributor to such early GWAR masterpieces as “Hell-O”, “Scumdogs of the Universe”, “This Toilet Earth” and “We Kill Everything”. The GWAR-B-Q, the annual festival held in Richmond VA is going into it’s sixth year and is promising to be the biggest, most extreme to date, and the siren’s call of the GWARbar is luring bohabs from around the world with hopes of being recruited to the ranks of GWAR slaves, but more likely to be ground into Meat Sandwiches in the meat grinder.
ANTARCTICA, 29th September 2014 (EARTH TIME)
The Scumdogs of the Universe are sharpening their axes and stoking the fires of their great war engines in preparation for the fall 2014 GWAR Eternal Tour. Global leaders had hoped the bouts of terror accompanying GWAR’s annual rampages would finally come to an end with the passing of the the groups monstrous captain, Oderus Urungus. But tonight politicians, religious leaders, and citizens around the world are asking, “Why?! Why won’t GWAR just leave the Earth in peace?”
The band’s toothsome guitarist, BalSac the Jaws of Death had this to say: “Something is wrong, unspeakably wrong. It feels as if the very fabric of reality has been ripped from belly to taint. And it all centers around Oderus’ disappearance. One moment, life is fantastic, as we celebrate the near sinking of Japan as a result of our recent journey across the Pacific; and the next, he is just gone. Suddenly the world is a dark, vile place with hordes of trolls biting at my hooves and daring to spit poison in my face. There is a great evil behind this, and I will not rest until I know what has become of my brother!”
Mounting evidence points to a disruption in the core of time is the sudden appearance of the Berserker Blóthar, a Scumdog warrior who claims to be from the distant past.Apparently, he was sucked through a hole in the space/time continuum and deposited onstage in front of thousands of screaming metal heads. Fortunately for GWAR, he knows the words to all of their songs and has pledged to aid them by assuming the role of lead singer. Inexplicably, he is also a hell of a bass guitarist!
GWAR’s Battle Maximus features twelve brand new tracks that not only honor their departed ally, but tells the story of GWAR’s latest struggle against what may be their greatest enemy yet…the insidious “Mr. Perfect”, who has travelled through time itself to steal the power of GWAR–the power of immortality, and use this power to mutate the human race into his twisted vision of what the “perfect” human should be. Once again GWAR finds themselves as the only thing standing between the human race and the latest super-powered shithead bent on the destruction of GWAR and the enslavement of their worshippers.
Hell-O – Shimmy Disc – 1988
Scumdogs Of The Universe – Metal Blade – 1990
America Must Be Destroyed – Metal Blade – 1992
The Road Behind EP – Metal Blade – 1992
This Toilet Earth – Metal Blade – 1994
Ragnarök – Metal Blade – 1995
A Soundtrack To Kill Yourself To Comp. – Slave Pit – 1997
Carnival Of Chaos – Metal Blade – 1997
We Kill Everything – Metal Blade – 1999
Slaves Going Single Comp. – Slave Pit – 2000
Violence Has Arrived – Metal Blade – 2001
You’re All Worthless And Weak Live – Slave Pit – 2002
Let there be GWAR Comp. – Slave Pit – 2004
War Party – DRT – 2004
Live From Mt. Fuji – DRT – 2005
Beyond Hell – DRT – 2006
Lust In Space – Metal Blade – 2009
Bloody Pit of Horror- Metal Blade -2010
Battle Maximus – Metal Blade- 2013